Cindy Ruth(less)

… my boyfriend. who is really my ex-boyfriend but i’m not ready for the ex yet. and truthfully is actually HER boyfriend but i’m pretending she’s not real.

but i miss him.

and not just seeing him, which i do daily at work where he acts like i am an annoying fly buzzing about and ruining his day.

but i miss being with him. watching movies with him, cuddling with him.

every time i see him i want to nuzzle my face into his shoulder like i always would. and i can’t. how frigging dumb is that?

he goesl to the discount theater, eats sushi, and  watches the astros now. fuck that.

fuck him completeley changning everything i love about him for HER.

all of her inane friends tag them everywhere they go and like every single status he updates with.

i’m sick of it.

he’s not happy. he’s not. i don’t know what this is.

i see him every day and i know he’s not happy.

but why?

why does he want to settle for being unhappy.

i miss him.

i miss him.

i miss him.

right?

I’ve been broken up with before. Believe me, it hurt. I think it took me two years to get over it. I mean, he dumped me in a mini van. And in some distant far off teenager type way I think I thought I might marry him. Cause that’s the thing to think.

But this, oh this hurts way worse.

Do you remember in middle school and high school at those church retreats where they would pull the girls aside and tell them to guard their hearts? Yeah. I thought that was a load of hogwash. I guess I sort of understood the reasoning behind the concept at the time but deep down I really thought that the adults were just being preachy and honestly a little dramatic.

I mean, what do adults know about love anyways?

And girls, they were sort of vaguely referring to your current life as a teenager. Urging you to remain absitnent and all that jazz. But they were really speaking to your 23 year old self.

Because in middle school and high school, and heck even college the stakes are different. We all throw around that M word but at the end of the day we know it just doesn’t work out usually. We’re upset because we don’t have a date, a ride, a friend, etc anymore. But we move on.

But when you are 23, or 24, or 21, or whatever age. And you get into a serious relationship the prospect of marriage is like the elephant in the room. It’s real. It could happen. This could be the one you spend the rest of your life with. This could be the father or your children. And suddenly… your heart is set on it.

You completely ignore your youth pastors words and you dive in head first. You plan out your whole relationship, your wedding, what your kids will look like, you get comfortable with the fact that you will always have a friend around. You get invited to christmases, thanksgivings, you have serious conversations with his family. You get attatched to the dogs, and everyone you meet will ask you “do you see yourself marrying them?” and the answer is always yes.

And this is when it all comes crashing down. Now, I’m not saying it doesn’t work out all the time. Some people do get married.

But the truth is that sometimes it will NOT work out. Sometimes you will be so wrapped up in loving that other person that one day you will wake up and you will realize that they don’t love you anymore. That even though you were willing to compromise and cherish and love and put up with him till death do you part…. BOYS are not thinking the same thing.

LISTEN TO YOUR YOUTH PASTORS WHILE YOU STILL CAN. GUARD YOUR HEARTS. DON’T PLAY MARRIED UNLESS YOU WANT TO PLAY DIVORCED.

i’m waiting to drive back to austin so i miss most of the traffic and i somehow thought i should update my tumblr. random. i know. this summer i’m at summer camp again (no, really!?) and yet again I will be taking pictures.

if you’re interested in critiquing (sp?) my pictures that would be awesome and helpful as i don’t get a lot of feedback on them and i would like to know areas for improvement. be aware i am dealing with a point and shoot here. i know, it’s like the stone age or something but we don’t even have a DSLR. (unless you will donate one???) so the quality will almost never be perfect. i’m mainly looking for feedback on the composition of the photos instead of lighting and focus issues. i wanted to get a DSLR for myself before the summer but instead my laptop broke. typical.

if you’re interested email me @ mscindyruth at gmail dot com and i will give you the info to see the pictures.

The past few weeks have been crazy and the next two are going to be even crazier.

Today is Brandon’s birthday and he’s in mexico and I’m stuck here and it sucks. To all the people who think I’m being mushy shove it, I am. I have a very nice very awesome boyfriend and I love and miss him and I am dissapointed not to spend his birthday in the same country.

I have today and tomorrow off from work so I am trying to complete everything I’ve been needing to do in the past few months and everything I need to get done in the next week done all today. HAH.

The parents pups are coming over on friday night to stay for the week and I’m a little overwhelmed because it’s going to be a zoo in my house. Not to mention I’m leaving for Guatemala on the 12th and my only day off is wednesday next week so I have to get everything done while working full time and trying to take care of the dogs and make sure they don’t chew through the whole house.

Brandon get’s back the 5th, but we work totally opposite until i leave on the 12th and then I will be out of country for my birthday too. It’s very frustrating!!

But I am very excited about my upcoming trip to Guatemala. The money is still stressing me out major, and the thought of packing for it is daunting, but I know that once I get there it will be all worth it.

As much as it sucks to spend my birthday away from Brandon with not even a way to text or call him I am VERY excited to spend my birthday in Guatemala for the third year with Mike, Sandi and the rest of the crew. Having a birthday in Guatemala is a very big deal and usually comes with flowers, presents, hugs, more hugs, cake, and firecrackers! Also you will be called out in church and they will sing you a birthday song in front of EVERYONE. :)

We’re also getting to go to the coast for three days to work in a school there. I am very excited about getting out of Guatemala city and seeing more of the country. Especially since it means swimming, beaches, and coast! But I am getting nervous about the fact that there will be many many mosquitos at the coast and the possible risk of malaria infection. Also, I HATE mosquitos (but who doesn’t)

We are going to be doing very backbreaking concrete work there and I am actually very excited about that. I love working hard and physical all day and feeling the ache at the end of the day knowing you actually acheived something. Plus having children’s activities every evening.

We are also going to spend one day in Antigua as usual which is another highlight of every trip as the shopping and cultural sights there are amazig. I am hoping for little fog so I can FINALLY get a good picture of the volcano agua that is very visible from the city.

Then we will be of course touring the dump, the city square, and the cemetary as well probably as well as doing a program at Casita Benjamin (my fav!!!) and Visiting Las Aldeas. They went to las aldeas last year (which is a childrens home) and I missed out so I am SO excited we are getting to go back this year because it looked like an awesome experience.

PLEASE pray for health on this trip. With mosquitos, hot weather, and the chance of getting montezumas revenge we really need it.

The reason I think I love going on mission trips with presbyterian churches so much is there is usually a lot of actual physical work done, a lot of laughing, a lot of friendships, and a lot of spiritual and moving moments… Without having to evangelize every single person we meet. We are just trying to give back some of what God has given us, understand another culture, and open our hearts. NOT try and convert 30 people to christ and then leave them back where they started and no support to help their faith grow.

And constantly I am AMAZED at the faith of the guatemalans and learn SO much from them myself.

well this has gotten long and rambly. I will be journaling the whole trip and might post excerpts here after the trip!!

It’s been a while eh? And how to describe just what’s been going on in my world since we last spoke… Well, there aren’t words. Personally I think every day/week/month/year gets a little crazier than before. How many things will go awry this new year? It’s a disturbing thought.

Here’s a synopsis for you though:

Still working at Sport’s Authority although I’m now the full-time (ooh lala) Footwear authority (sales lead basically). Which came with a raise and benefits. There is talk of moving me up in the company but not a whole lot of action, so I’m still applying to other jobs that pay better, are closer to home, or are more desirable

Still dating Brandon. I don’t know what else to say to that. Interested people will want more details but most will not care.

Still living in Hutto with my sister. Even though I am always either at work or in Cedar Park so my room really acts more as interim storage area and occasonal hotel.

ah, tired of typing. maybe more later.

my sister is a dumb bitch. okay. i feel much better.

now if i could just get her to stop taking my stuff since she’s ohhhh almost 25.

and that boy that i didn’t want to ask me on dates?

we’ve been dating for almost four months now. yep. FOOT in MOUTH.

i love him too.

i’ve been reading so many delicious blogs lately that i guess i have been inspired to maybe keep up with this one… maybe.

but i feel like i’m not going to be as witty, interesting, or well spoken.

alas. self depreciation is boring.

off to eat.

yum!

stop trying to ask me on a date.

ok thank you.

and you… please stop texting me.

i think you are a tool bag

i do not want to hang out with you and your sleazy friends

soooo glad i’m going to camp for the summer. sport’s authority is just DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA